42 Depressing Lolrus Facts

1. A lolrus is a walrus that steals buckets
2. A lolrus claims that the buckets were stolen from him, not the other way around
3. Lolruses prey on the weak and small buckets
4. There are people who sympathise with lolruses and steal buckets to give to them
5. There is no cure for the above condition…
6. … except death.
7. The lolruses think they can defeat the Bucket Army
8. A lolrus up-close is very ugly
9. Lolruses love lies.
10. Lolruses inhabit a remote island.
11. The remote island has a dark dungeon.
12. The dark dungeon has captive buckets (male bucket), pails (female bucket) and bails (baby bucket of either gender).
13. The lolruses can survive underwater
14. Unattractive women are called lolruses as an insult
15. The lolruses know no mercy on their target – wherethere it’s human, bucket or animal.
16. “I Has a Bucket” – the Facebook group for lolruses has 4979 members
17. Lolruses have more than 1 million google results
18. Walruses have more than 4 million google results
19. Bucket theft has more than 3 million google results (190+ when searched for exact phrase)
20. There are over 800 results for ‘someone stole my bucket’
21. There is 1 result for “walrus stole my bucket”
22. There are NO results for “lolrus stole my bucket” (this fact may be wrong after publishing this post)
23. Artists draw lolruses as cute, huggable creatures :/
24. The death of Minazo, the original lolrus leader and the “I Can Has a Bucket” walrus did not stop the lolruses from stealing buckets
25. Lolruses are not even near extinction
26. Buckets are traumatized by the actions of lolruses
27. The threat of lolruses is NOT widely known
28. People think lolruses are poor creatures that should be pitied
29. They are wrong
30. Lolruses are TOO widely known on the internet
31. The internet promotes the false cause of the lolruses
32. People are gullible when near lolruses
33. Lolruses use the services of the Anti Bucket Faerie
34. And his evil weewoos, meepits and bubkets
35. Lolruses have some evil plan for buckets
36. The evil plan is unknown
37. And most likely a threat
38. 3 million buckets a year are tricked into being given to lolruses
39. matchu sounded too much like a lolrus once
40. There is a planet called ‘Yaeness’, the planet of No Buckets. Lolruses are used as pets there.
41. “They’re evil and they should be condemned” > A description by Michael that fits the lolruses but is not a widely known fact
42. Lolruses do not believe in ‘Meaning of Life is Bucket’

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